When we meet someone, or even well after we meet them, a question we may have to confront is whether we are with someone we can trust.
Are they someone who pretends to be one thing but is actually another? We all have our pretensions. But some people go beyond normal pretensions and portray themselves as someone they are not.
They may see another person on the side but conveniently do not mention it, they may pretend they're having this great job they actually don't have, or there may be times when they're unaccounted for and you are wondering what's going on.
How do you recognize a less than credible partner? There is no foolproof way.
We do have some questions you can ask yourself - but realize that if the person is not trustworthy, they may fake you out. The questions below can help you evaluate how trustworthy they are.
Also, realize that your perceptions are imperfect: Sometimes we are suspicious when there really is nothing to be suspicious about.
Note that the questions below are entirely unoriginal. You probably have asked them before, as have countless others. This is merely a compilation of things you can ask yourself and likely already have:
Do you find that--
- Their actions don’t match their words?
- They don’t keep promises?
- They always seem to have excuses for why they can’t do what they are supposed to do?
- They are inconsistent, seeming to care one day and not care much the next?
- They lie?
- They promise to “change” but never have managed to do so before?
- They have a double-standard, expecting one thing from you and another for them?
- They seem never quite to have time for you?
- They often seem distracted but won’t say why?
- They expect you to meet their demands, but they won’t meet you half-way?
- They claim experiences that they were unlikely to have had?
- They give you compliments that make no sense?
- They seem mostly interested in themselves, not much in you or anyone else?
- They always seem to be hiding things from you.?
- They don’t tell you much about their past?
- They act as though they are all-knowing?
- They want you to reveal a lot about yourself but don’t reveal much about themselves?
- They always seem to be in a hurry when they are with you?
- They sometimes disappear for periods of time, and then reappear with no good excuse?
- They refuse to admit to their flaws?
- They seem to be “pulling one over” on you?
- They sometimes give you the feeling of being with a “used-car” salesperson?
- They are dishonest with others?
- When you trust them with something, you usually are disappointed?
- They don’t follow through on agreements?
If you have a lot of “yes” responses, you may want to think carefully about where you are in your relationship.
Is the issue that your partner is pretending to be something they are not?
Or are they just keeping things from you that they are not ready to share with you?
Or do they see the world differently from you?
Or is it possible that you are seeing problems that aren’t there?
Only you can decide!
If there are so many interpretations of questions like these, is it even worth asking them of yourself?
It is, because, in the course of your life, it is not unlikely that you will meet at least one potential partner, and probably more partners, who are faking you out for whatever reason.
They forgot to mention they are married; they don’t want you to know what they do when you’re not around; they have an unsavory secret in their background that they are hiding.
So, even though you never can be absolutely sure, you owe it to yourself to check them out. The questions above should never serve as a sole basis for making any kind of firm decision about a relationship.
But they may be helpful to you, combined with other information, in deciding whether the relationship you are in, or one you are seeking, is for you. And if not, perhaps you will want to look elsewhere!
1 thought on “Can You Trust Your Partner?”
My son was suspicious about his live-in girlfriend in much the way you describe. He found out she was two-timing him when he checked out her mobile phone and I’ve heard similar stories in which hacking into a mobile phone or computer gave the game away. I guess it is part of modern life now – sad.