Whether you’re meeting with someone new or you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you will likely question at some point whether they’re truly trustworthy. Can you trust your partner? We all have our pretensions. But some people go beyond normal pretensions and portray themselves as someone they are not.
They may masquerade as someone they’re not, conveniently omit mentioning an ongoing affair, fabricate tales of career success or disappear without explanation, leaving you perplexed and uncertain as to what may really be going on.
If you find yourself amidst a maze of doubts, how you can shed light on your partner’s trustworthiness?
Keep this in mind as you think about your partner’s trustworthiness
There are a number of questions you can ask that can help you evaluate if you can trust your partner. As you ponder on these questions, keep it’s worth keeping two things in mind:
- Deceptive people can deceive you even further, covering up their traces.
- Our perceptions are imperfect. Sometimes we are suspicious when there really is nothing to be suspicious about.
Can you trust your partner? Ask these questions
The questions below can serve as a starting point for you to begin if you can trust your partner.
Note that these questions are by no means groundbreaking or original. Countless people have asked these questions before us. This is merely a compilation of reflections that have stood the test of time:
Do you find that--
- Their actions don’t match their words?
- They don’t keep promises?
- They always seem to have excuses for why they can’t do what they are supposed to do?
- They are inconsistent, seeming to care one day and not care much the next?
- They lie?
- They promise to “change” but never have managed to do so before?
- They have a double-standard, expecting one thing from you and another for them?
- They seem never quite to have time for you?
- They often seem distracted but won’t say why?
- They expect you to meet their demands, but they won’t meet you half-way?
- They claim experiences that they were unlikely to have had?
- They give you compliments that make no sense?
- They seem mostly interested in themselves, not much in you or anyone else?
- They always seem to be hiding things from you.?
- They don’t tell you much about their past?
- They act as though they are all-knowing?
- They want you to reveal a lot about yourself but don’t reveal much about themselves?
- They always seem to be in a hurry when they are with you?
- They sometimes disappear for periods of time, and then reappear with no good excuse?
- They refuse to admit to their flaws?
- They seem to be “pulling one over” on you?
- They sometimes give you the feeling of being with a “used-car” salesperson?
- They are dishonest with others?
- When you trust them with something, you usually are disappointed?
- They don’t follow through on agreements?
If you have a lot of “yes” responses, you may want to think carefully about where you are in your relationship.
Is the issue that your partner is pretending to be something they are not?
Or are they just keeping things from you that they are not ready to share with you?
Or do they see the world differently from you?
Or is it possible that you are seeing problems that aren’t there?
Only you can decide. Take your gut feeling into consideration as you reflect on these questions; our subconscious often picks up on clues that we don’t as we rationally attempt to interpret situations.
If you feel something is off, you owe it to yourself to dig deeper
There are plenty of questions to ask, and at times you will not be sure what the right answer is, or whether you’re seeing things the “right” way.
Yes, you can’t be absolutely sure, but you owe it to yourself to reflect on these issues when feelings of doubt arise. The questions above should not serve as a sole basis for making any kind of firm decision about a relationship. But they may be helpful to you, combined with other information, in deciding whether the relationship you are in, or one you are seeking, is for you.
To unravel the secrets and psychological mechanisms behind misjudgments of our partners, continue reading here. Discover the reasons behind our misperceptions and how to deal with unpleasant truths.